Spelling. Learn to do it.

This week I have done a MAJOR purge of my facebook friends.
The victims:
-PpL Hu TyPe LiKe tHIs
-0r l!k3 d!s
-nd ppl who lve mst of d lettrs out
-the people who seem to think the world is interested in their EVERY movement (** is eating a sandwich. ** is watching tv. ** is on the train. Oh My Fucking God.)
-those whose status updates are an emotional rollercoaster, and whose moodswings give me whiplash.

Now if there's ONE thing I am pedantic about, it is spelling and punctuation. It's not rocket science, but if done wrong, it comes across as if you are illiterate. And I'm not talking about the occasional typo. I'm talking about the people who have no idea that your and you're are different words entirely. Please people, for the sake of humanity, PLEASE take ten minutes out of your thrilling days of trolling facebook, eating sandwiches and watching TV to learn this shit. It will make you seem less fucking dumb smarter.

I'm a lazy bitch.

Sooo...this is awkward. For the past two months I have been completely ignoring slightly neglectful of my blog. Alot has happened since my last post... I have quit my job, started a new one (YAY me), visited my family in PMB, and had many rants and raves that would have been perfect reading material for people who like to laugh at others misfortunes like you! Where have I been, you may ask? Well between Telkom giving us the challenge of chasing the wildest goose known to woman (that thing bites), and my laptop giving up the ghost, and my parents still living in the middle ages (no internet - SERIOUSLY?!?!) I haven't even had the simple pleasure of checking my Facebook account on a regular basis. So... I have good news and bad news vis a vis this problem - the good news being that along with my new job comes a brand new(ish) ThinkPad Edge, as well as an internet connection. The bad news is that I am addicted to social networking sites (Google+, anybody??) and am still fighting the battle with Telkom ("we'll get back to you in a month, lady." No. Fuck you.) And then there is news that I'm not sure belongs in the good or the bad section - we'll call it on-the-fence news. I'm pregnant.

Naaaah. That was a lie. (OMG that was mean!!Sorry, mom.) Actually, my on-the-fence news is that I have SO much to blog about, (there are just so many things that piss me off - watch out for my taxi rant coming soon) that I can't decide what should be first. I still plan on the next instalment of the Bergie Underworld. Hopefully I can get the pictures I want this weekend, and then next week I can upload that. For now, I'm meant to be hosting a Dev. Meeting at work in a couple of minutes (My Sequel Server - is that the movie that came after You've Been Served???) and I still need to figure out most of the people's names (sorry, how do you spell your name? I just want to make sure I've got it right...J-I-M?....oh. *blush*), let alone what they actually do. Eish. So, my lovely followers and not-so-lovely random readers, I wish you a fantastic Friday. And I promise, I will speak to you soon. Before you even know it.

I'm not racist. I just happen to find the fact that these are found in my local Spar really funny. Who thinks up the names for some of these products??? I think they're running out of words to use...

Makeup fashion show

Jus a very quick post - last weekend I participated in a makeup fashion show for my Makeup Artist friend Chelsea White. If anyone needs their makeup done for event, let me know and I'll get in touch with her for you - she is brilliant. These are just the rough images from the practice run on the Saturday but as soon as I have the pictures from the day, I will post them.

This is the fantastic Chelsea White. 

The section I fell under was "Avant Garde"

This is my best friend Kate, who fell under the "Makeover" section.

Photos done by SJ Van Zyl, makeup by Chelsea White.

Township Adventure

Last week I dragged my friend Jen along to Phillipi to feed some township dogs. I had to go to a school in the area for work. We had a huge bag of adult dog food sitting at home (my digsmate works at a pet vet shop and gets free food quite often) and as my puppies are too young for adult food, I decided to donate the food to some hungry brak bellies.

This is Lexi. She's a 7 month old jack russell x rat terrier (I think...), and I've had her for just over 2 months. 

Lexi after hearing she is getting spayed on Thursday. The result - chewed phone charger (7th this year), chewed tin foil roll, and 4 hubbly coals in her belly. 

This is Benjy - I've had him since he was 4 weeks old. He's a maltese x sausage dog x yorkie. 

Benjy modelling his Christmas present from my cousins, Andrea and Zia.

Both of my dogs are rescue babies - Benjy is from AACL, and I've had him since he was 4 weeks old, and Lexi (or Lexifer/Flexi) is from DARG in Hout Bay. I have been fortunate enough to have grown up surrounded by a menagerie of animals, including but definitely not limited to 2 pet sheep, a horse, birds, and mice, but I am definitely a dog person to the core. Even though I volunteered at SPCA when I was at school, I still cry every time I go to an animal welfare centre or see sad dogs, and this time was no exception.

When we arrived in the township, we realised that we did not have an actual plan as to how we would go about feeding these dogs. In the end, we just dumped large piles of food on the ground in areas that had lots of dogs scrounging for food.

We were a bit worried about how the dogs would react to us, but we were greeted by nothing other than wagging tails and hungy bellies. I did not hear a single growl or snap, and the dogs were very good about sharing the food - there were a few dogs eating from the same pile, and yet their tails wagged on.

Om nom nom!

I have no idea what this dog is, but he was beautiful!

We were also a bit worried about how the locals would react to what we were doing, but again we were pleasantly surprised. One guy even called me to his neighbours house so that she could fill a big bucket of food for her dog. Some of the dogs were actually well fed, yet still had hundreds of fleas and ticks. We all know that this medicine is quite costly, and is not a once off treatment. Another thing I noted was that not a single dog I saw was neutered, and I'm assuming that none of the females were spayed. This is a huge problem that is relatively easy to fix by the government, and would solve alot of issues with animal welfare centres in South Africa.

Some of the local inhabitants watching their dogs eating what was possibly the first proper meal in quite a while.

Just as we were about to leave, we came across a tiny puppy wobbling her way towards the food. She was far too young to eat the adult food we had provided, and to top it off she had a huge gash in her head and was so badly infected with mange that most of her fur on her underside, head and ears was missing. I (being the wimp I am) immediately burst into tears.

We asked the guy in the above photo if we could take her to the vet, and he said no. Jenny then offered him R50, and he caught her, smashing her head into the sidewalk in the process, and offered her to us. Luckily I had a blanket in my car which we wrapped her in, (she smelt somewhat less than appealing) and we then made the tearful 20 minute journey to the nearest SPCA in Goodwood. The poor little girl did not make a single sound throughout the journey, and she did not struggle either - she was probably so terrified as to what was happening to her. In her mind, humans only brought pain and hatred.

In these pictures you can see the gash in her head as well as the extent of her mange. The vet told me that they would keep me updated as to her progress, but also stressed that she might be put down if it was decided that she was too sick and too young to be rehabilitated. We named her Pippa, after the area in which she was found (Phillippi).

When we put her down to weigh her, she immediately retreated to the corner and started shaking uncontrollably.

This picture breaks my heart. Every time I tried to stroke her she would shy away.

This is a cause that I feel very strongly about. This experience changed my entire life plan, and now my ultimate goal in life is to one day start a Non-Profit Organisation to tend to the welfare of animals in the townships. The NPO would travel to the townships and do mass sterilisation, de-flea and de-worm the animals, and in extreme cases, euthanise animals that could not be saved. Obviously I am against euthanisation, but after seeing a large breed dog that we simply could catch with a missing foot and a broken ankle on which it was trying to walk, I have realised that sometimes it is simply kinder to put the animal to sleep. As we all know, All Dogs Go To Heaven!

I hope that these pictures, if not my words, have moved you in some way. I hope that the next time you are warm and snuggly in your house with a hot water bottle or electric blanket, that you think about these animals who have no shelter against the raging winds or sideways rain that Cape Town winters have to offer. In anyone would like to donate a bag of food, a blanket, or any money, I will gladly take it to the townships and distribute it. Even if its just R10, I will match the difference between that amount and the price of a bag of food, and I will take it to the townships. This is something that is really close to my heart and I simply can't not do anything about it anymore.

Benjy and Lexi say thanks for helping their township friends :) I can't even imagine not having them. And to think that Lexi actually came from the township - she was confiscated from someone who abused her very badly.

A blast from the past...

This week has been very trying, and highly emotional. I had to go into Phillipi township for work, and I ended up taking a bag of food to give to the hundreds of township dogs that live in the area.I will be writing a full post about this experience (with pictures) this weekend, but for now it is enough to say that my new goal in life is to open a non-profit organisation to feed, sterilise, de-flea and de-worm dogs in the township.

For now, I must apologise for a lack of posts. I have some mutant infection at the moment which appears to be resitant to all known medicines. Not fun at all. However, hopefully these pictures will make you smile.

Hurdle fail

This picture was taken in WW2. This is a group of children at school wearing their regulation gas masks. This is the stuff of nightmares - Chucky vs Aliens

"For some reason, Billy's birthday party was a very sombre event"

I LOL'ed so hard at this.

And thats why I smoke. Simple!

Oh how I wish this could be me tonight. Maybe in my dreams...

Stay tuned for my next post on my Township Adventure, as well as for an in-depth Bio of the King of the Bergies and his right hand men - Safari Bergie and Eucalyptus Bergie. Coming this weekend. I promise!

The Bergie Underworld

"Bergie" as defined by Urban Dictionary:
"South African slang term for homeless person, hobo, etc.
Commonly found in cities, pushing a stolen shopping cart/trolley filled with the day's scavenged goods, and more often than not quite drunk, followed by a mutt ("pavement special" dog)...."

I have noticed that the common reaction to a bergie in Cape Town can differ drastically, ranging from shame and "white guilt" to a blase "they must have done something to deserve that" outlook. However, when a bergie asks you for money, the results often depend on the type of person asked.

Students tend to ignore them, staring straight ahead while their windows are tapped, tummies are rubbed and a colourful array of swearwords are thrown in the general direction of the offender. I say general because its quite hard to point in one direction whilst high on tik intoxicated. They scoffingly proclaim, "I'm a student, I can't afford to give away my money!"

If a bergie finds himself in the snobby Camps Bay area, the result will probably be a quickly wound up tinted window, whilst the coiffed bejewelled owner of a snazzy sports car will dramatically lift their hand to their forehead and squeal in a very fake compassionate voice "You cahn't give these people munny, thay just spend it on drugsss!"

Then you've got the bleeding heart types who, when confronted by a bergie, are caught up with guilt and go out of their way to make a swift and dangerous U-turn, speeding to the nearest 7-11 to buy a loaf of bread for the "poor homeless man." Often, on their return, the said homeless man will have passed out in the middle of the road pushed his trolley to greener pastures.

Personally, I always try to give something to any bergie that I come across. Hell, I don't even care if they use it on drugs! If it makes them feel warm and happy, and if they can forget where they are even for a little bit, then who are we to judge them?

On my way back from work the other day, I encountered a fascinating bergie who frequents the Landsdowne area. His thank you for the two rand i gave him was the most hilarious and simultaneously frightening thing I have ever seen, and I decided then and there to write my next article on the Bergie Underworld in Cape Town.

The Bergie Underworld is the name I have given to the bergie community. Just like any community, they have a leader, in this case the King of the Bergies. There are a few bergies in positions of power, the "Higher Bergies" and the rest of the community is made up of what I like to call "Lesser Bergies." It is interesting to note that this community has no cultural, racial or age discriminations. Anyone can be a bergie, as long as you have a passion for fine wines such as Autumn Harvest, Crackling or Paarl Perle, and a few missing teeth. Missing teeth seem to be a sign of status, as you will see in my next article, when i discuss the King of the Bergies.

Hannah Montana in bergie form

I would like to try and get some pictures of some of the Higher Bergies so that my next post can discuss these figures in greater detail. But for now I would like to say that this article was not meant to offend, it was meant to entertain.

These guys think its hilarious!

Some awesome adverts, and a slice of happiness

Bahahahaha. One day I shall know someone with this sense of humour and then I shall be complete :)

Came across this pic the other day, and it made me so happy. This is me, Lloyd and Tim, and I entitled the pictures "Tastes Like Summer" - thats exactly what the images bring to mind. Tim is off on an Asian Adventure (hopefully he doesnt read this or I'm in trouuuuble....), and I miss him very much.

 

And now, just as homage to the weird things Americans will eat, I present to you... Squeez Bacon.

Thanks for all the support guys. Much appreciated. :) Have received lots of positive and some negative feedback - to which I have the best response. I simply block my ears and sing LALALALALALA. 

Favourite comment so far (definitely deserves a mention):

Friend: Dude, you used the C-word!!!!

Me: I know, I know! I used the C-word! Hope my mom doesn't see it. 

Friend: I dunno, it's kinda awkward. You never hear people saying it, it's HECTIC!
Me: Well, you obviously haven't lived in Cape Town for very long...

Friend: Couldn't you have put C-star-U-N-T?

Me: Umm, I think you're worried about the wrong C-word. Just sayin'

All in a day's ramblings

Yesterday, I voted. Yay for me, boo for everyone who didn't. Lets hope next time you will make more of an effort.

I noticed a strange trend yesterday on Facebook - alot of people were saying how they won't vote because of ridiculous reasons such as "those who vote are playing the game, and therefore have to abide by the rules, whereas those of us who don't are exercising our rights bla bla bla." Basically they were insinuating that by not voting, they were above those who did. Other excuses were that no party was perfect, so why should they vote? Well, excuse me stupid person, are you perfect? Thought not. Nobody is, and as we are only four elections down after apartheid ended, I'm pretty damn impressed with the parties and their manifesto's. You should read them, maybe you'd find something you believe in enough to vote for.

I don't know why people think its cool to be indifferent about voting. Its not. Getting involved in the choosing of our future is cool. Our generation can't see past the end of our noses. Maybe because we've never had to fight for something or stand up and make a difference in this world. We've never lived through anything like war or apartheid, and life is peachy. The biggest decisions we struggle with are which varsity to choose, and which alcohol leaves you with less of a hangover. In our world, spontaneity and the "right now" rule - we don't have the foresight to think about our future and how to protect it (hello global warming, running out of fossil fuel and extinction). And that is really sad.

So to everybody that had the foresight to plan to register to vote, and to anybody who stood in queues for hours just to make their mark. To anybody who thinks about their future, congratulations.

And to the stupid person (and to every stupid person in everyone's lives, I'm sure you all know one). You probably didn't even realise I de-friended you (hard to notice anything else when your life consists of seeking out every reflective surface in sight) but my GOSH you are annoying, self-centred, arrogant and just plain fucking dumb. You with your designer clothes and your persistent pout. You are not original and you are not special. You are nothing more than a thief. You covet originality, and you want so badly to be cool that you steal other peoples opinions and mannerisms and surround yourself with them like little trophies.

Nothing more than a bad imitation of someone elses originality. How sad. OK, rant over. Hmm, I think from now on my blog shall be known as Doctor Blog. It's that therapeutic :)

Have a lovely Thursday bloggees :) OH and I almost forgot - 11 followers (that I forced to follow me) and almost 300 views in less than a week - now that is epic :) I don't even have 300 friends, so that must mean some random folk have seen this. Hopefully they found it a pleasant experience and are not at this moment preparing me a mail bomb.

Patrick sent me.

WARNING : THERE ARE SOME EXTREMELY UPSETTING IMAGES IN THIS POST!

I have recently come across two stories about the way in which we arrogant humans treat our so-called "best friends." The first occurred in Plett, S.A. On the 14th of May, a dogfighting ring was bust by police who had been tipped off about possible illegal dealings at a farm in Plett. Police arrived to find two male Pitbulls in a metal cage, fighting to the death. Both were severely hurt. These dogs, as well as 6 others who were lined up for the next fights, were confiscated and taken to Animal Welfare to be treated. Ten people were arrested. My first question is what kind of person scum organises things like this? And what kind of scum actually enjoys provoking dogs until they kill each other? I reckon we should punish people like this by putting them in a cage and making them fight.

Now what really pisses me off about this is that it gives Pitties a really bad name. They are known to be extremely aggressive, untrainable dogs, but this is simply bullshit. Anyone ever seen Daddy on the Dog Whisperer? He is the perfect example of a well trained Pitty. Pit bulls have also been used in TV programmes like Veronica Mars, and they are also the chosen pet of stars such as Adam Brody, Alicia Silverstone, and Jamie Foxx. In fact the reason this breed has become so infamous is because of the way humans have portrayed them. You could have a maltese that was brought up wrongly, and attacks anything at ankle height, and you can have a Pitbull that is simply loving and gentle to any living thing. I firmly believe that a dog will reflect the behaviour of its owner, and that much of a dogs nature is a directly correlated to the owners treatment of that dog. Same goes for humans - often if you assume someone has bad traits, they will prove you right.

The second incident I have been following avidly for a few months now. Patrick the Pitbull puppy was starved until he was small enough to fit into the garbage chute of a 22 storey building. He was placed in a black bag and thrown down the chute by the worthless piece of shit that owned Patrick - Kisha Curtis. Apparently, she couldn't look after him anymore. (umm, ever heard of SPCA/Animal Welfare, trash?) Patrick was stuck in the chute for a few days until a maintenance worker discovered the chute was blocked, and found a moving trash bag inside it. Patrick was immediately sent to doggie hospital.

This is the garbage chute that Patrick was found in. It makes me shudder.

It's hard not to feel nauseous and insanely angry when I see these photos. Patrick looks like a mummified skeleton. It's hard to believe he is 6 months old in these pictures. They were taken when Patrick arrived at the emergency room.

Patrick was not expected to make it through the night. However, the vets taking care of him gave him a blood transfusion and an intravenous drip, and stayed with him through the night, hoping for the best. Patrick was named for St. Paddy's day, and obviously the luck of the Irish has been with him, because he survived that first night, and is well on his way to becoming a normal, healthy puppy. I just cannot imagine what he went through. This may be just me projecting feelings onto Patrick, but somehow when I look at him, I see so much more than a puppy should have in his eyes. His eyes seem to give off a wary yet deeply knowing emotion.

Unfortunately, stories like these happen every day. The reason why I have been following Patrick's story so closely is because his plight has become a worldwide phenomenon. There is a Facebook group dedicated to him,  - The Patrick Miracle - amassing over 100 000 followers. Patrick's picture has spread like wildfire, and his fans have adopted a catchphrase - "Patrick sent me." This catchphrase is emblazoned over every new story similar to Patrick's that his fans come across, and so their stories are cross posted and awareness is gained for thousands of dogs around the world. As a result of The Patrick Miracle alone, hundreds of dogs on "the kill list" have been saved, and awareness for the true nature of Pitbulls grows. Patrick is probably the most popular dog in the world at the moment - he has been requested for adoption by thousands of people. The hospital he is currently at is not taking any more donations for Patrick as his care has been secured by the money that has already poured in from people around the world who fell in love with him. Patrick is indeed a miracle.

Patrick is now the most spoilt puppy in the world. I'm sure he has no idea what to do with all his flowers, toys and clothes sent to him from every part of the world.

I have two dogs of my own, both rescue babies. And they really are family to me. I am at a loss when i think about what I would do if they were hurt. For all their naughtiness, I love them so much. And  I guess my reason for this post is because for all the hate and ugliness there is in this world, there are so many good people that have an abundance of love. Its just unfortunate that the world is largely controlled by the nasty types.

This is what Patrick looks like today. Its nice to see a story that has such a happy ending. Patricks story has created so much awareness for the cause of Animal Rights. So many dogs have been given forever homes because of him - a breed of dog that is wrongly seen as vicious and unlovable. Now that is truly a miracle.

Adopt, don't shop, and save a life!

Damn You, Auto Correct!

This is one of my favourite sites of ALL TIME. It literally leaves me weak at the knees. I wish i had (could afford) an iPhone, even if it was just for the autocorrect. Everyone deserves a bit of comic relief in their life :) And don't even get me started on Blackberry's.(oh no, you got me started..here I go...)

How do you know you're the only person in your group without a BB? You're the only one not looking down, and the only one having a real conversation. BB's drive me up the WALL! Not to mention that they cause a deadly virus called the Crackberry virus. And the Crackberry virus is unfortunately extremely contagious. Its symptoms include extreme anti-social behaviour, resulting in the replacement of real human contact by relationships based on BBM'ing (unfortunately, sufferers of the Crackberry Virus believe these interactions are more important than real relationships based on actual human contact), belief in chain messages having the power to kill you or send you to hell if you do not pass them on, and loss of life. (made that last one up - but it might not be such an idle threat if a certain someone doesn't put that damn thing down!)

Call me behind the times (oooh, you could call me Agatha!), but i think that conversations between two people who are actually physically interacting are far more important and beneficial than a chain message or a "How r u?" over BBM. Its highly frustrating trying to talk to someone who's eyes look like they are enduring an epileptic fit (must check BB, must look like I'm listening to her, must check BB, must look her in the eyes, must forward chain message to twenty people in ten minutes or I will be run over by a train...)

Anyway, BACK TO TOPIC. I can't even remember what the topic was now. Haha. OH yes, Damn You, Auto Correct.

Check it out, seriously. Just make sure your bladder is empty and you are safe to emit your Embarrassing Laugh (everyone has one. Don't even try to deny it...).

Here are some of my favourite...

Bahaha...Love it. I myself have been a victim of accidental auto correct in the past - sending messages to the wrong person a few times (sorry mom, that was meant for the boyfriend..), and I even once told my mom to call "Cunt Christine" instead of Aunt Christine. Who knew one letters difference could create so much awkwardness..