Sing-a-long Wrongs!

Hello Interwebz!

You and I are going to become good friends. Says who? ME.

There's no right or wrong way to start a blog (I hope, or else I'm in trouble...), so lets just pretend we've been going for a while, mmkay? No awkward introductions, no gushingly fake confessions about how blogging is my destiny and my public awaits me.. Its straight into the deep end with me, get used to it.

More often than not, I'm listening and singing along to a song and suddenly I hear something in the lyrics and think...."noooo...that can't be! Can it?...weeeell...maybe." I'm talking about lyrics that we think we know, yet are so wrong about, and lyrics that for the life of me, I just cannot figure out. I think to myself that SURELY the artist wouldn't let themselves sing that. But then I tell myself "this is pop music, not rocket science. Come on, get real." I mean, I love Britney, I do, but..."all of the girls and all of the boys are begging to if you seek Amy (F.U.C.K me)"...really? That doesn't even make sense.

So here is a list of my favourite sing-a-long wrongs that I or someone I've heard has made...Hopefully this list will keep growing :)

1. Seal "kiss from a rose" - my little brother truly and honestly believed that the lyrics to this song went "I've been kissed by a camel on the chin"....Now I'm not sure where on earth he got this from, there's an extra syllable thrown in there and it sounds nothing like what it really is (I’ve been kissed by a rose on the chest...chin...grave...grim...anyone?) keep in mind that he was twelve at the time and had a lisp. For this, I can forgive him...but for some of the next ones, there is just no excuse.

2. Nelly Furtado and Timbaland "The way I are". Now, this is what I sang for the first few months after the song was released. “Baby you can strip, you could get my tip, cause I like you just the way you are....Baby, it's alright, no you don't have to flaunt for me...something something shake my tail, touch my knob, it's free.." In fact, the lyrics are "Baby if you strip, you could get a tip 'cause I like you just the way you are...Baby, it's alright, no you don't have to floss for me (what? Mine was way better!! Maybe dental hygiene isn’t all that important to Miss Furtado. All I can say about this is…whoa, Nelly!<-- see what I did there?) If we go there, you can still touch my love, it's free." Well...oops. Wish someone had corrected me BEFORE I belted that out on Camps Bay Beach. Death stare, anyone?

3. A nice recent one - Taio Cruz "Dynamite." The original lyrics are "I wanna celebrate and live my life, saying ayo, gotta let go...” My boyfriend insists on singing "I wanna celebrate and live my life, saying ayo, Galileo...” He says it’s "way cooler." True that.

4. Another personal favourite is one that my best friend and I spent countless drunken hours deliberating. The song is “Fasten your seatbelt” by Pendulum, and after much arguing, we decided that the song was DEFINITELY saying “you’re too young to be a scoundrel.” We decided that it was the best line we’d ever heard, and sang it day in and day out. We loved that line like a baby. Until we discovered that the actual lyrics were “You’re too young to be a sound boy.” We were devastated.

5. My friend Jenny is a CHAMP at this sing-a-long wrong game. The first one I ever picked up from her was The Raconteurs “steady as she goes”…which she artfully (yet unknowingly) transformed into “steady as she blows”…whenever my guy friends see her, they now chant “steady as jenny blows”...awesome.

6. Another of lovely Jenny’s mishaps is The Kooks “Naïve.” Instead of “I know, she knows, that I’m not fond of asking,” Jen would sing “I know, that she knows, I’m not from Nebraska”… (always a good thing to know).

7. This is a sing-a-long wrong that kept me very amused for a while. The song is prime Circle’s “Consider Me”, and the way I hear it…? “I’ve been waiting for Simon just to come along….” The first time I heard it, I thought “hey...that’s not right.” So I played it again. And again. And again. And still, my ears convinced my unwilling brain that Ross Learmonth (the frontman for the band) was, indeed, waiting for Simon to come along. Guess he’s still waiting.

8. Now, for my personal best sing-a-long wrong. The year was 2008, The Pussycat Dolls (bless their hearts) had just released their single “when I grow up”, and there I was, spellbound. Not only were they sexy and badass and could transform themselves into pretzel shapes, but they were actually HONEST, and even better (my priorities are a little off) they were FUNNY! Why else would they be singing “when I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have boobies?” Brilliant, I thought. Except it turns out they didn’t want boobies, they wanted groupies. I, for one, would have taken the boobies.

Ok so for now, that’s all the personal sing-a-long wrong’s I can think of. I went onto the “interwebz” to find out if anyone else had experienced some humorous sing-a-long wrongs, and here are the fruits of that labour, the gems of the crown, the cream of the crop, the...well, these are my favourite.

9. Michael Bolton’s remake of “When a man loves a woman.” I laughed until I snorted coke from my nose (the liquid kind, you dirty minds), when I read that some poor soul had misconstrued these lyrics as “when a man loves a walnut.” Well, each to his own, I guess.

10. The Black Eyed Peas song “Shut up” – now I’m not sure exactly how someone can misunderstand the words of this song, especially because...well, there aren’t many. And in this case, the offending words were actually the title of the song. Instead of “shut up, just shut up, shut up” (pure lyrical genius), some fool heard “shudder, just shudder, shudder” …. (though come to think of it, that IS what Fergie’s voice and face do to me..brrrr.)

11. Now everyone knows that Queen lyrics make little sense at the best of times (I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like...bicycle, BICYCLE, BICYCLE….love that song.) And a great example of a song whose lyrics make sense to only junkies and crazies is the Bohemian Rhapsody, great as it is. However, even though I’m not sure who is sparing his life from his own monstrosity, I DO know that whoever he is, he is not sparing his life for “his own sausages.”

12. Aaaah, Marilyn Manson. It was only a matter of time before he popped up here…it must have something to do with his face distracting people from what he’s actually saying, bless him. And I actually think that in the case of the mistaken lyrics of “Personal Jesus”, the wrong ones are way better. Instead of “reach out and touch faith” (or reach out and touch me, thanks for that little gem Hillary duff), I vote we “reach out and suck face.” Brilliant.

13. Bon Jovi, anyone? I for one will have a second helping. Yum. And yes, Jon, I do agree with you... “It DOESN’T make a difference if we're naked or not.” What’s that? You said what…? It doesn’t make a difference if we MAKE it or not...haha, yes I knew that, oh totally. Ummm….

14. Oh, I love this song. Everybody sing with me now! “We built this city (pause...dum, dum) we built this city on the WRONG DAMN ROAD!! Oh, the irony. There’s not really much I can say about this except that the person who heard this must have been partly deaf. Or foreign. Ha. Ha. Ha.

15. one of the more interesting ones I found on the Internet was the mishearing of Blink 182’s “What’s my age again” as “Where's my Asian friend?” (Where, indeed.) Apparently, one of the live recordings of the song does actually feature those lyrics! So this must prove that tattooed, mean-looking  punks DO actually have a sense of humour…Who woulda thought!?!?

16. I have a tendency of saving the best for last. I eat my vegetables in descending order of grossness, then the starch, then the meat. I always eat the chocolate casing off  magnums first, but sneakily leaving the piece of chocolate attached to the stick as a sort of cup to catch the melty bits. Then I eat the ice cream, and then I munch that last piece of chocolate yumminess. My boyfriend can’t understand why I have a strict regime for eating smarties. “They all taste the same” he says. “Aaaah,” I say (wisely) “but they don’t all look the same.” The purple and red ones like to be on their own at the end. That’s just the way it is. And in keeping with this obsession, I have saved the best for last (well in my opinion anyway)…Ladies, I give to you the king of internet sing-a-long wrongs. If it doesn’t make you laugh, I will smack you. So there. Thank you to Bryan Adams – and to the idiot who thought that he was saying “got my first real sex dream, happened when I was nine, played it ‘til my fingers bled, was the summer for 69’s…”

 

So everyone, this is my first ever attempt at making other people laugh at the expense of…well, other people! J I hope you enjoyed it, and ANY feedback is most welcome (but if I disagree with you, watch your back. Just kidding. Maybe.) Also, if you have any more sing-a-long wrongs that would make me smile, feel free to post them as comments. BIG LOVE.